Crystal Voice - Dedicated to H.O.M.E.S. - Health, Organization, Mothering, Education, Spirituality; which includes pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, and parenting.

It was simply by chance that my husband, Gene, and I started looking into adoption. Gene's brother, Jonathan, lived with us for a few years as he worked with Gene and learned from him. Jonathan was in his late teens during his stay with us. At the time we had two young children of our own and really enjoyed the mix of older and younger children. Jonathan helped out quite a bit with the kids, and the kids loved having a "big brother" living in the house with us. Once Jonathan left we noticed there was something missing in our lives and tried to figure it out.

The biggest thing we noticed was that we missed the teaching opportunities that came with a teenager. There are plenty of teaching moments with young children, but they come in a different way with a teen. Gene really liked having a work partner, but being a mentor meant so much more to him. It felt good to be an example, to be there to listen and offer advice. It wasn't always fun as we had our struggles meshing personalities, dealing with mood swings, and all the other "stuff" that comes with bringing another person into the home. As we all learned how to overcome these challenges we grew. Overall it was a good experience for us, and for him.

Not long after Jonathan left we felt that looking into foster adoption was something we should do. We felt that it would be a wonderful thing if we could find a child that really wanted a family and provide that family for them. We had a lot of questions so I started researching it a bit and found out that if we went through The Department of Children Services (DCS) we could become foster parents and be placed under a "foster to adopt" status that would match us with children in the system that would best suit our family.

Once we went through the PATH (Parents as Tender Healers) classes and completed our home study we started to get anxious and excited about the upcoming search we would make for another child to welcome into our family. During this time we also went through the pregnancy and birth of our third child. Once we were in the REACT system to match us with a child in DCS custody we started being contacted by various case workers. As the days and weeks went by we had to pass by children for one reason or another. Some children we called on from their profiles on the internet only to find out that they would not "fit" into our family well. Time after time we had to keep on with our search. We never gave up hope.

After several months we received a call that would start us along a journey we never could have guessed the destination of. Because it involved a foster child and various individuals associated with DCS, I will refrain from sharing details and names. Suffice it to say that the adoption process was disrupted after having this teen in our home for over eight months (not including the times we visited with her previous to placement). There were a lot of lies and deceptions involved, as well as lack of action and support. We did what we thought was right and honored the demands of the foster child to not be adopted. There were a lot of powerful emotions lived through from the day we found out about this child to the day this child left. We learned from every moment of it.

Currently we are not in a position to adopt or foster children. We have moved from the state where we began that journey and feel it is not time for us to look into our new state's (Utah) options in regards to fostering/adopting. Our hearts are still touched by children who need a home. Even if we may not be able to provide them that home for now, we may find other ways to help these children. I encourage you to also consider any role that you may be able to play in the life of a child in need.

Please note that we lived in Tennessee during the above comments so the information I have gathered pertains to that state. Your state will probably have different requirements in the adoption process.

I really enjoy listening to President Gordon B. Hinkley (former president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) speak. I felt that the following portions of his talk, Save the Children, related well to the plight of children who are neglected or abused. It also inspired me to think that saving the children through being a foster or adoptive parent would apply well to the message he gave.

"How great is our responsibility, how serious the responsibility of Christian people and men and women of goodwill everywhere to reach out to ease the plight of suffering children, to lift them from the rut of despair in which they walk.

Of course such suffering is not new. Plagues of disease have in centuries past swept across continents. War has caused the deaths of millions who were totally innocent. Children have been bartered and traded; they have been used as tools by vicious masters; they have mined coal for long hours day after day in the dark and cold depths of the earth; they have worked in sweatshops and been exploited like cheap merchandise.

Surely after all of the history we have read, after all of the suffering of which we have been told, after all of the exploitation of which we are aware, we can do more than we are now doing to lift the blight that condemns millions of children to lives that know little of happiness, that are tragically brief, and that are filled with pain.

And we need not travel halfway across the earth to find weeping children. Countless numbers of them cry out in fear and loneliness from the evil consequences of moral transgression, neglect, and abuse. I speak plainly, perhaps indelicately. But I know of no other way to make clear a matter about which I feel so strongly.

.... there is the terrible, inexcusable, and evil phenomenon of physical and sexual abuse.

It is unnecessary. It is unjustified. It is indefensible.

In terms of physical abuse, I have never accepted the principle of “spare the rod and spoil the child.”....

....I am satisfied that such punishment in most instances does more damage than good. Children don’t need beating. They need love and encouragement. They need fathers [and mothers] to whom they can look with respect rather than fear. Above all, they need example.

....And then there is the terrible, vicious practice of sexual abuse. It is beyond understanding. It is an affront to the decency that ought to exist in every man and woman. It is a violation of that which is sacred and divine. It is destructive in the lives of children. It is reprehensible and worthy of the most severe condemnation.

Shame on any man or woman who would sexually abuse a child. In doing so, the abuser not only does the most serious kind of injury. He or she also stands condemned before the Lord.

It was the Master himself who said, 'But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea' (Matt. 18:6). How could he have spoken in stronger terms?

If there be any within the sound of my voice who may be guilty of such practice, I urge you with all of the capacity of which I am capable to stop it, to run from it, to get help, to plead with the Lord for forgiveness and make amends to those whom you have offended. God will not be mocked concerning the abuse of his little ones.

....My plea—and I wish I were more eloquent in voicing it—is a plea to save the children. Too many of them walk with pain and fear, in loneliness and despair. Children need sunlight. They need happiness. They need love and nurture. They need kindness and refreshment and affection. Every home, regardless of the cost of the house, can provide an environment of love which will be an environment of salvation.

....Save the children. Too many suffer and weep. God bless us to be mindful of them, to lift them and guide them as they walk in dangerous paths, to pray for them, to bless them, to love them, to keep them secure until they can run with strength of their own, I pray in the name of him who loves them so very much, even the Lord Jesus Christ, amen."